Why is Mountain Dew named such?
It it because it tastes like Dew from a Mountain?
Is it indeed Dew from a Mountain?
I guess this is just one of life's greatest mysteries
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
how to know you probably have an STD
1. your job begins at 11pm and youre named after a city/ dessert
2. if you have a hat trick in more than one fraternity house.
3. your bosses name is lumberjack and he has a big axe
4. you've had phone sex at an early age
5. you do ametuer porn to make extra cash
6. you've walked in on a guy masterbating in a onesie
7. you found a green cat named HPV
8. a pole has conveniently been placed for proper lighting (and dancing) on your corner
9. you talk about sex in a yooper accent
10. if you've ever been done in the bottom while drinking sangria
11. you're a curly headed fuck
12. someone told you they were a slut, and you still slept with them
13. your nickname is Shamus
14. your teeth are whiter than snow
15. you have an unusually high protein level (and you're a vegetarian)
16. more than 75% of you life has been spent on your back
17. you are referred to as a "Frat Matteress"
18. you dont like wearing underwear and unfortunatley have a bad habit of losing your pants
19. you've indirectly slept with 5 or more of your friends
20. you share needles
21. you go dumpster diving behind hospitals
22. you've been asked to bite someone.
2. if you have a hat trick in more than one fraternity house.
3. your bosses name is lumberjack and he has a big axe
4. you've had phone sex at an early age
5. you do ametuer porn to make extra cash
6. you've walked in on a guy masterbating in a onesie
7. you found a green cat named HPV
8. a pole has conveniently been placed for proper lighting (and dancing) on your corner
9. you talk about sex in a yooper accent
10. if you've ever been done in the bottom while drinking sangria
11. you're a curly headed fuck
12. someone told you they were a slut, and you still slept with them
13. your nickname is Shamus
14. your teeth are whiter than snow
15. you have an unusually high protein level (and you're a vegetarian)
16. more than 75% of you life has been spent on your back
17. you are referred to as a "Frat Matteress"
18. you dont like wearing underwear and unfortunatley have a bad habit of losing your pants
19. you've indirectly slept with 5 or more of your friends
20. you share needles
21. you go dumpster diving behind hospitals
22. you've been asked to bite someone.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Speeding Tickets
Ways to get out of a speeding ticket that I think should work.
1. my best friend is in labor with triplets
2. im going to pee my pants
3. my sister just died
4. my kitten is in the fire!
5. my mom just told me i was adopted
6. im being followed
7. there were bees in my car
1. my best friend is in labor with triplets
2. im going to pee my pants
3. my sister just died
4. my kitten is in the fire!
5. my mom just told me i was adopted
6. im being followed
7. there were bees in my car
Monday, November 17, 2008
Honest to Blog
when do you become a grown up?
-is it when you turn 21?
-or when you have a kid?
-when you get married perhaps?
-are you a grown up when you graduate college?
-or have a real people job?
-when you dont have to pay loans up the ass anymore?
-when you pay your own bills?
what are the benefits of becoming a grown up?
is anyone that is older than me considered a grown up?
-is it when you turn 21?
-or when you have a kid?
-when you get married perhaps?
-are you a grown up when you graduate college?
-or have a real people job?
-when you dont have to pay loans up the ass anymore?
-when you pay your own bills?
what are the benefits of becoming a grown up?
is anyone that is older than me considered a grown up?
reasons to get a puppy
1. they cant talk so, they wont argue with you
2. they cant borrow your stuff and never return it
3. they're always around to cuddle
4. they're very photogenic
5. puppies are easier to love than boys
6. puppies wont cheat on you
7. they're cute and cuddly
8. you dont have to do anything special and they still love you
9. I really really want one
2. they cant borrow your stuff and never return it
3. they're always around to cuddle
4. they're very photogenic
5. puppies are easier to love than boys
6. puppies wont cheat on you
7. they're cute and cuddly
8. you dont have to do anything special and they still love you
9. I really really want one
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Life and a Can of Beer
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar...and the beer.A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you torecognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. "The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else--the small stuff.If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. "Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.The professor smiled."I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you torecognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. "The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else--the small stuff.If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. "Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.The professor smiled."I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Off the face of the Earth...
Hate is a strong word. I normally don't 'hate' anyone. but right now, I wouldnt mind it if a certain person would just fall off the face of the Earth. Is it really necessary to throw a fit like a little four year old kid who didnt get his Mike and Ikes?! Come on, your bipolar ass belongs in a straight jacket. To top things off, you shouldnt make our mutual friends choose sides... I'm not! This isnt fair, just grow the fuck up and get over yourself. I dont know if there is anything worse than hate, but if there is, that is the feeling that I have towards you.
I HATE you. and I hope you rot in hell.
I HATE you. and I hope you rot in hell.
My Crackwhore BFF
Jill Seager. yep, I said it. Jill mother effing Seager. She's my best friend from home, and she's actually getting her head out of her ass, and her ass off the streets to come and see me! Lets see if I'm going to remember this weekend... I'm going to have to say no.
on another note, I might have to punch a bitch in the face later.. but for now, I'm going to enjoy my Bloody Mary... Mmmmm.....
on another note, I might have to punch a bitch in the face later.. but for now, I'm going to enjoy my Bloody Mary... Mmmmm.....
Monday, November 10, 2008
Things I do when I should be studying
-Break World Records
-Create Facebook Profiles for Animals
-Facebook
-Go to the Dog
-Nap
-Drink bloody marys like they're water
-Text
-Read people's secrets on postsecret.com
-Watch movies from the 90's
-Download music
-Memorize cheesy pick-up lines
-Tell cheesy pick-up lines to my friends
-Stare out my window
-AIM
-Find weird places to travel
-Set unrealistic goals
-Copper Country Cruise
-Move from the couch to the chair for a change of scenery
-Be a bitch
-Complain that I'm probably failing
-Drink more because I'm complaining about the possibility of failing
-Water my plants
-Think about cleaning my apartment
-Think of other things to do than clean my apartment
-Go to Walmart
-Watch reruns of Entourage
-Try to convince Alumni to fly me where ever they are living now
-Look up lyrics to songs I've just downloaded and relate them to my life
-Think of even more reasons I hate my ex
-Change my clothes
-Find new ways to make fun of my roomies
-Bitch about the snow
-Change my clothes again
-Make another drink
-Talk about my bad life decisions
-Call my mom and bitch about the world
-Think about going to the library
-Make another bloody mary
-Play 'nose goes' to see who has to share with Erica
-Try to convince myself that I'm not a horrible person
-Shower
-Sing in the shower
-Sit in my towel, in the living room, with the curtains open, for an hour
-Complain because I'm cold
-Make eggs
-Think about burning movies
-Drink Busch Light with dinner (which consists of Mac and Cheese or Frosted Flakes)
-Make hot cocoa
-Look for a job with no intention of actually working
-WRITE A BLOG!
-Create Facebook Profiles for Animals
-Go to the Dog
-Nap
-Drink bloody marys like they're water
-Text
-Read people's secrets on postsecret.com
-Watch movies from the 90's
-Download music
-Memorize cheesy pick-up lines
-Tell cheesy pick-up lines to my friends
-Stare out my window
-AIM
-Find weird places to travel
-Set unrealistic goals
-Copper Country Cruise
-Move from the couch to the chair for a change of scenery
-Be a bitch
-Complain that I'm probably failing
-Drink more because I'm complaining about the possibility of failing
-Water my plants
-Think about cleaning my apartment
-Think of other things to do than clean my apartment
-Go to Walmart
-Watch reruns of Entourage
-Try to convince Alumni to fly me where ever they are living now
-Look up lyrics to songs I've just downloaded and relate them to my life
-Think of even more reasons I hate my ex
-Change my clothes
-Find new ways to make fun of my roomies
-Bitch about the snow
-Change my clothes again
-Make another drink
-Talk about my bad life decisions
-Call my mom and bitch about the world
-Think about going to the library
-Make another bloody mary
-Play 'nose goes' to see who has to share with Erica
-Try to convince myself that I'm not a horrible person
-Shower
-Sing in the shower
-Sit in my towel, in the living room, with the curtains open, for an hour
-Complain because I'm cold
-Make eggs
-Think about burning movies
-Drink Busch Light with dinner (which consists of Mac and Cheese or Frosted Flakes)
-Make hot cocoa
-Look for a job with no intention of actually working
-WRITE A BLOG!
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