world full of crazies

why is it that all of the crazy people (attempt to) get psychology degrees? how can they possibly understand someone elses problems if their head is up their own ass? For example, my old roommate. what a fucking nut job. career choice: Marriage Counselor. She can't even keep a stable relationship of her own how in the hell is she supposed to patch up other peoples? "Nobody loves me wah wah wah... at least I have my cat wah wah wah." The entire time that I lived with said roommate, I had to check my forehead to see if "complaint department" had somehow been tattooed on it. But, who am I to talk since I'm "negative". well you know what? if I'm such a negative person, please explain to my why your only friend left is Jenny Craig? I have 2 words for you: GROW. UP.

VOTE HATFIELD & JACOBS 2012!

"We'll fight for YOUR right to party!"

When I say "vote" I really mean "write in". Our plan of attack begins with Goldfish and YouTube. Come to one of our Ragers, I mean Campaign Rallies and leave not only a better person, but also with a loving goldfish (if it dies, that's your problem, you've crushed your own dreams dumb ass). Then, we'll move on to more serious matters. Your future President, Mr. Travis Hatfield, will have the Military covered while, your future VP (yours truly) will handle the more pressing matters. You want jobs? well, let me tell you part of our plan. Legalize Prostitution- boom. Jobs. The Hatfield & Jacobs Team will also legalize Marijuana, and tax the shit out of it. Also, our interns will please the President by bringing him Coffee and running errands, not by playing Doctor under the desk in the Oval Office. When H&J take office, we will replace those funny-looking white wigs that are worn in senate with One-of-a-kind Mullet wigs ala Billy Ray. Oh, and Tyra Banks will not be allowed to speak, that's one (5 finger forehead) headache that we can go without. H&J will also bully iTunes until they lower their prices back to 99 cents per song.  Oh, and Chelsea Handler will be Secretary of State. We won't promise you much, but we will promise you a Goldfish. Goldfish and Freedom.

I want Tim to be Chuy's best friend!!

If you watch Chelsea Lately, then you know her assistant Chuy. There is a contest to be Chuy's best friend, and since im lacking the obvious appendages, Im nominating TIMMER! following is Tim's essay (which I wrote, but shh!).

"If I could describe myself in 5 words or less, they would be... Shining Star. I say this because I'm bright and people like to look at me. I'm just a laid back guy, trying to make good life decisions. Personally, I would rather hula hoop during rush hour in the middle of the intersection than listen to Miley Cyrus say 'Whaaaaaaaaaat?' one more time. Man, the things I would do for a mullet like Billy Ray's. Anyway, this tequila's making me thirsty, so I'm getting myself a beer."

MAKE A GOOD LIFE CHOICE CHUY!!

Silver Fox

Noun; An older gentleman who is rediculously good looking, incredibly charming, and makes lots of money. Who also must be living. In other words, they're not hard to look at.

Examples: Bruce Willis, Tom Petty, Denzel Washington, Gene Simmons, Richard Gere, The CSI Character 'Grissom', Nicholas Cage, John Travolta (pre-hairspray), Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Ben Stiller, Will Farrell, Jim Carey, Tiger Woods, Brett Farve, Ben Affleck, Mel Gibson, etc...

Silver Foxes in Training: Brady Quinn, Tom Brady, Josh Hartnett, Edward Norton, Matt Damon, Zac Effron.

All the KOOL kids drink KOOL-aid

why is Kool-aid named such?

Is it because it is KOOL?

When they say KOOL, do they mean Refreshing?

Does drinking Kool-aid make you KOOL? (i hope so!)

Either way, I love Kool-aid. but only the purple and blue kinds.

Things I've Come To Realize

The person that you count on the most will let you down at some point or another.

Don't regret something that once made you happy.

Money, unfortunately, doesn't grow on trees.

I'm slowly turing into my mother, and I finally don't think that's a bad thing.

You're always going to be the Villain in somebody's story.

True friends can be counted on TWO hands, if you play your cards right.

The guys who are completely wrong for you will always make you feel so right.

Complaining will get you no where in life.

You will find love when you're not looking for it.

Your BEST friends are the ones that come back after you've had a fight.

Driving like an idiot in the snow is usually a bad idea.

Chocolate really does have healing powers.

Dwelling on things from the past isn't going to make life any easier. 

If you can't forgive, forget.

coincidence?

Bloody Mary's start with the letter B. So does Bad ass and Beautiful... coincidence? I think not!

Conspiracy?

If Walmart is really the "super center" it claims to be, then why do they only carry five flovors of koolaid there? Somethings suspicious around here.

How To: Spot a Douche bag

Cowboy Hat. You look like an idiot. Unless you're from Texas and you have a tan and a hot accent, DONT WEAR AN EFFING COWBOY HAT!!!!! How can you look in the mirror and think you look good with a stupid cowboy hat on? do yourself a favor and burn it... preferably while its still on your head, but thats not up to me.

Advertising

Great Value. Top Care. ever noticed that the "off brands" have a way of capturing you? is it their prices? perhaps. Or is it a type of subliminal messages? You look at a can of chicken noodle soup and what do you know, it says 'Great Value' on it. then, when you get to the cash register, your chicken noodle soup only costs you .48 cents! wow! what a GREAT value! they weren't lying! coincidence? I think not.