"We'll fight for YOUR right to party!"
When I say "vote" I really mean "write in". Our plan of attack begins with Goldfish and YouTube. Come to one of our Ragers, I mean Campaign Rallies and leave not only a better person, but also with a loving goldfish (if it dies, that's your problem, you've crushed your own dreams dumb ass). Then, we'll move on to more serious matters. Your future President, Mr. Travis Hatfield, will have the Military covered while, your future VP (yours truly) will handle the more pressing matters. You want jobs? well, let me tell you part of our plan. Legalize Prostitution- boom. Jobs. The Hatfield & Jacobs Team will also legalize Marijuana, and tax the shit out of it. Also, our interns will please the President by bringing him Coffee and running errands, not by playing Doctor under the desk in the Oval Office. When H&J take office, we will replace those funny-looking white wigs that are worn in senate with One-of-a-kind Mullet wigs ala Billy Ray. Oh, and Tyra Banks will not be allowed to speak, that's one (5 finger forehead) headache that we can go without. H&J will also bully iTunes until they lower their prices back to 99 cents per song. Oh, and Chelsea Handler will be Secretary of State. We won't promise you much, but we will promise you a Goldfish. Goldfish and Freedom.
